She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
