I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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