Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
