Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
