Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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