I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize