White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
