there's paper in my vomit.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
