my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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