Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize