sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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