i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
