I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
