I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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