So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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