when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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