i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
