You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
