Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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