If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
