Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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