In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
