Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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