Just cropdusted the office
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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