she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
