NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
