apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
