I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
