i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
