so that wasnt chicken after all
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
