She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
