I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
