i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
