I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
