i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize