She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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