Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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