why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
