...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
