Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

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(713): View more from Texas

I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.

Fav 14 5371 1033
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(714): View more from California

I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

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(917): View more from New York City

She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.

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(469): View more from Texas

On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.

Fav 3 1595 822
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

Fav 9 4152 1420
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(772): View more from Florida

You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.

Fav 10 2183 901
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(519): View more from Ontario

can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high

Fav 2 704 545
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(914): View more from New York

fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever

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