He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
