Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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