Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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