Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
