is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
