I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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