Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
