I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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