i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
