my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
