Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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