There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
