Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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