Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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