last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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