She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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