It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
