I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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