Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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