She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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