Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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