There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
