whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
