Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
