i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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