So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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