he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
