my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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