I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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