every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
