We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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