Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
