oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
