We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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