I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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