What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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