I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize