There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
