Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
