Pappa wants mamma naked
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
