my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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