did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
