I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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