According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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