You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
