She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
