a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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