I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's always time for handjobs
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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