my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
