So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
