Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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