I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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