if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
