I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Everything about him screamed your future.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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