hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
BRING THE BAGELS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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