You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
