you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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