i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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