Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
