i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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