I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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