I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
