He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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