You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
