She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
