As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize