Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
