Rock
Scissors
Fuck
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
