If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
