i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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