life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
