How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
