Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
