Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
