I hate all girls vehemently.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The uberlube is also flammable
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
